What Makes Love Last? Chemistry or Compatibility?

One of the first questions we face when we begin dating or thinking about taking a relationship to a deeper level is related to compatibility. Is our attraction to each other based on our being so alike, or so different? Do we seem well suited for each other, perhaps because we enjoy the same things? Are we generally more similar or different in our personality traits? And even if we feel like it is a good match, with all the sparks and chemistry hoped for, is it likely to stay that way, or is the relationship vulnerable to the seemingly inevitable “irreconcilable differences” that breaks apart so many couples?

Compatibility is a popular but confusing term. As commonly defined this is what people think about when they say, “We are so alike —we both react the same way to the same situations,” or “We were made for each other,” or “I feel like I have found my soul mate.”

But not all compatibility is created equally. Matching up in one area may be pleasing and highly desirable, but may not be a good measure of future relationship health or success. Some types of compatibility are more interesting than important, more trivial then transformative. If we use the wrong measuring sticks we can be easily fooled into love as we fall in love, leading to questionable if not regrettable decisions.

Some types of compatibility are more interesting than important, more trivial then transformative. If we use the wrong measuring sticks we can be easily fooled into love as we fall in love, leading to questionable if not regrettable decisions.

Here are some things to think about, some things to avoid, and some things to be vigilant and prayerful about when it comes to compatibility with that special someone.