Love Is Blind, But Reality Has 20/20 Vision
Love Is Blind but in reality it has 20/20 vision. When people fall madly in love and are busy planning their future together, the last thing they want is to hear someone warning them: “Remember, you’re marrying this person as-is. Don’t expect them to change!” It feels like a cold splash of water on the warmth of their romantic dreams.
Still, it’s a reminder worth taking seriously, because love doesn’t come with a warranty, and relationships require seeing your partner for who they truly are.
The Allure of Idealized Love
Falling in love is intoxicating. The flood of dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline can make your partner seem flawless. It’s easy to believe any issues they might have are trivial or will magically disappear over time. However, expecting someone to transform into your ideal version of a partner can lead to disappointment.
It’s like buying a used car while envisioning it as a brand-new sports car. At that moment, nobody wants to hear the equivalent of a “buyer beware” speech.
But the reality is, a VW Beetle can’t turn into a Range Rover, no matter how much you tinker with it. Love may be blind, but it shouldn’t leave you blindsided.
The Reality of “As-Is” Relationships
The hard truth about relationships is that you can’t change anyone but yourself. Hoping your partner will evolve into someone who perfectly matches your expectations is a recipe for frustration. Instead, you need to accept and love them for who they are now quirks, flaws, and all.
Here’s why this mindset is crucial:
- Unrealistic Expectations Cause Resentment: When your partner doesn’t change, you might feel let down, leading to tension and resentment.
- Authenticity Matters: Trying to mold someone into a different version of themselves undermines trust and authenticity in the relationship.
- Love Is About Growth, Not Fixing: Healthy relationships encourage personal growth, but that growth has to come from within, not from external pressure.
A Personal Lesson in Acceptance
It took me twenty-five years to accept that my husband would never stand up for me in the way I expected. Early in our marriage, I held onto the hope that he would change, that he would develop the assertiveness I craved.
But he didn’t. Instead of focusing on what he wasn’t, I learned to value the many qualities he did bring to the table: his kindness, loyalty, and unwavering support in other ways.
That realization transformed our relationship. By letting go of my expectations, I stopped trying to “fix” him and started appreciating him for who he was. This shift not only strengthened our bond but also brought me peace.
How to Embrace Your Partner’s True Self
Accepting your partner as-is doesn’t mean ignoring problems or settling for less. It’s about fostering mutual respect and recognizing the strengths in each other. Here are some strategies to help:
- Focus on Communication: Share your feelings openly but avoid making demands for change.
- Appreciate Their Strengths: Make a habit of acknowledging what they do well instead of dwelling on shortcomings.
- Work on Yourself: Growth within a relationship starts with personal development. Be the partner you want them to be.
- Seek Counseling: If unresolved issues persist, a therapist can provide tools to navigate conflicts constructively.
Moving Forward with Clear Eyes and Open Hearts
Love, at its best, is about acceptance. It’s recognizing your partner’s flaws and loving them anyway. While it’s tempting to believe that time, effort, or love can reshape someone, the truth is that meaningful change comes only from within.
Instead of focusing on what you wish your partner would become, focus on building a relationship that celebrates the best of who you both are. Because when you love someone “as-is,” you create a foundation that lasts a lifetime.
